Writing Execrise: Transcribing Action Scenes

My biggest problem area as a writer is a description and that covers action and sex scenes. I tend to over describe and describe every body movement every action. Which can be annoying to a reader, which as a writer I’m trying avoid. My good friend author Jordan S.Brock gave me a suggestion of transcribing an action scene and try to make it interesting.

So I took this fight scene from John Wick Chapter 2. I found this clip on youtube and I hope that it is not too boring.  After this, I’m going to actually go to edit the Prologue and Chapter 1 of Chain Reaction.  So stay tuned for my writing log.


 

Unedited Verison: 6/18//2017

John Wick was limping down the escalator as fast as could, wincing at the pain in his arm as he cradled close to his chest. As he got closer to the subway, he spotted two men pointing their guns at him. He quickly pulled out his gun and shot the first man and then the other. The first man stumbled out of his crouched and lunged for John, John snatched the man arm and yanking it back to deliver, the man tried to punch John with his free hand but John ducked on the ground hit him with a rock solid punch to the groin. The man screamed and fell down onto his back.  John stabbed the man in the chest with a knife.

A tall bald black man walked down the escalator,  lifting his jacket he took his gun and took off the safety with a click. He walked off the escalator, his gaze darting around the subway.  He stops as he sees John crouched over the dead body of his attacker. John spots The African American man staring at him, he stumbles onto his feet.  John and the man stare at each other.  Not taking their eyes off each other they start walking towards each, both of their movements almost parallel to one another.

Once they are standing across from each other, John pulls out his gun, taking off the safety with an audible click. Suddenly, another subway train drives between blocking the view of one another.

The doors of the subway open and people start spilling onto the platform. The  African American walks inside the subway train.  On the other side of the subway train, John walks into the train and over the heads of the crowded train car John turns to see the African American man standing on the other end of the car.

Incredulously their eyes meet, and John turns, started to maneuver through the various people on the subway car. The subway stops, and more people spill out onto the platform. Eyes locked in a look of steely determination, they both make their way through the crowd of people exiting the subway car. Finally, they are face to face only a few hundred feet to one another. John finally turns to gaze around the other subway goers who seem to not be paying the weird tableau in any attention. Unattricuabouly as possible, John takes out his switch knife and flicks the knife on with a click.

TBC